The Efeng Bacha Youth Club held Cyber Dialogues on the 1st December 2008. This was in order to celebrate the Positive Male Role Models that have been with, guided and  continue to add value in their lives. This is how the memorable day unfolded:

CELEBRATING POSITIVE MALE ROLE MODELS IN OUR LIVES

VENUE : BOARDROOM

01 DECEMBER 2008

What is the responsibility of the men and women around the issue of HIV/AIDS pandemic and Gender Based Violence?

What is the responsibility of the men and women around the issue of HIV/AIDS pandemic and Gender Based Violence?

The discussion was opened by Princess with the note that protection in the home against HIV/AIDS is key to ensuring that the children are safe and that live communication is what parents need to practice on a daily basis. This will help with the reduction of the pandemic and violence against women and children.

Faith asked that the language used should be open to all 11 languages to allow all participants the opportunity to share their views.

Andrew: argued that sometimes parents get us lost by sharing a small space bedroom with children and as they engage in sexual activities. The children are sometimes awake and they can witness these activities. This makes them want to experience what they saw because they think its right. What they should do is sit us down as parents and tell us what is it that they are doing and it is wrong to engage in sex at a young age because the results will not be good for your future.

Ridorona: Parents must always tell the truth even when it is something positive or negative. They should still explain and share information with the children.

Kekeletso: Change the way parents live daily. They need to open up, talk with their children so as to prevent them from going out and getting wrong information. Therefore, there needs to be programmes for parents to educate them of how they talk to their children, but fathers also need to come on and help the mothers.

Thabang: There should be a definition of HIV/AIDS that everyone can relate to and put it at a personal level for both parents and children to be responsible for that information. We all have to be in charge in terms of information sharing.

Zanele: There is a need to work together because this virus affects us all and we cannot make it a parent issue. Media information should also be made available in schools and parents must come to those meetings at school.

Thabang: Argued that so far we have been doing things that are right in the wrong way because there is ignorance in the youth. Sometimes if you have been negative and you meet someone who you fall in love with someone who is positive and they might not know so the conversation must also start with children as well, as they also have received some information from outside and from friends therefore. When we have information then we can also share with our parents so the information issue is both ways.

Part 2

MESSAGES FROM ALL THE CHILDREN AND YOUTH

In celebrating positive role models in our lives as we have been celebrating the 90^th birthday of Mr. Mandela we also need to recognize the work and love of our uncles, fathers, brothers and friends that we have as males.

The Group discussion made 2 thriving consensus. The first one being that we need to acknowledge that our fathers are special even when the father figure role is played by someone in your family that still makes us responsible for respecting them and telling them that we love them. We need to recognize that they also play a role of protection as not all of them are perpetrators of crimes that are mostly committed to women. Again the relationship we have with our fathers, brothers and uncles is not always the one of love and good all the time. Sometimes it is the one that is there to guide and discipline with love and provide comfort.

Nikomane: argued that she used to think that her father was a bad person because he always wanted to tell her what to do, but now they get along very well. He advises her about school and how she should persevere, therefore she is thanking him very much.

Katlego: I don't have a father. I have never met my father, but I have a grandfather and an uncle who are protective. They do not allow any relationship before the age of 21. Unfortunately, my grandfather died and I lost the only person I call papa. So guys what I am saying is that we need to appreciate any male figure we have in our lives so that you don't loose them.

Luzuko: I call my father Mdala, but that is because he also calls me by all kinds of names and he tells me negative things. I don't take what he tells me bad. I don't take it personal all I am saying is he my father and I know he cares about me I just want him to say that he cares so that I can appreciate him more.

Seipati: A year ago we had the best father's competition and we were funded by NMCF. We also had one of the girls that wrote about their fathers and that essay was in the top 3 of our winners. These essays were written with love and showed how children feel about their fathers.

Pontsho: The best father will  not behave like a boy because he will discipline with love and guide you gently because he wants to show your best interest as a parent and he will show you the right way all the time.

Celiwe: I have no father figure role in my life, but my uncle has been the main person in my life because my uncle has closed the gap I have because he has been protective of me all my life.

Princess: My uncle has shared with me that I cannot feel sorry for myself because I am physically challenged and that I cannot shrink down just to make people around me feel better about themselves. I thank him for being in my life and being a role model.

Johannes: My father is the head of the house and he always says if anyone feels that he is big now he can always leave his house and find their own place. On the other hand, my brother-in-law is a great father to his children and he inspires me to be good as well.

Tshepo: My story always amazes me because I have a niece and she is 4 years old. Her name is Karabo and I have been responsible for her since my sister died. My mother has passed on, but I am the one who bathes her. I make sure that she is okay all the time even when she is sick, when she needs someone to calm her down and when she has nightmares. So I am not the uncle that molests or abuses her niece. I love her and my father has also been helping with looking after Karabo and I am saying that not all men are evil because some of us are good.

Lemohang: We need to be more friendly and smile at or fathers because it is priceless because he is the best father in your eyes.

Mashudu: I never used to get along with my father, but I love the fact that since I moved out of home and went to tertiary my father and I are very close and now I realize that he is my best father. I love the fact that he is straight forward and will tell you when you are doing something wrong and he now sees things differently. Today, my father makes me strong!!

Andrew: We need to learn how important a father is and that as children we have to respect them. Especially the boys as we need to have an open relationship with fathers so that we can challenge one another when we have problems in life. And also to give space for jokes so that people can participate more.

Thanking all men, what can we say to them?

• Show love and appreciation to continue the fight against all challenges we are facing as a society
• Tell them we love them even when it is not with material things
• We need to tell them what makes us happy with our fathers
• We need to increase the respect we have for them and to give them love
• Appreciate all they do even the smallest things
• Make them aware of father's day even when it is not father's day.